Ramblings of a Chaotic Mind (NEW BOOK)

Ramblings of a Chaotic Mind
This is a collection of poems, thoughts, short stories, and art. I hope you enjoy them.

Many of my poems might be dark and depressing, but writing is how I cope with things life throws at us. When I’m frustrated, hurt, and sad, I write. It helps me cope with my feelings though not every poem will fit this description most of them will.

I write on a slew of subjects; motherhood, family, miscarriage, children, raising children and many more. Sometimes moms get into a competition of who’s the better mother or who has the best kids, whose job is hard, and that mindset helps no one. I promise to be as real as I can, hoping the things that have challenged me can help someone else.

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Women Need to Support Other Women

Women rarely support each other.  It is hard to find women that support each other.  

When I was in school, kids bullied me.  My mom was the sick mom with cancer and we didn’t have a lot of money, My clothes were old and torn. Since then I had low self-esteem.

I found later that writing was something I loved. And when I found Roleplay,  I made friends fast, and I didn’t believe it. Someone told me I was their best friend, and I took a long time to believe it. Because who wants me as a best friend?

When it comes to Role Play, it seems a lot of women think they must be the center of attention.  In a role play, you can be anyone you want to be. I find people change who they are and use fake profiles because they are not happy with themselves.

Role Play is best when you let people be creative. We’ve had some awesome plots that were not created by admins. My friend Breen created two plots that were amazing. I know will blush if she reads this but its true. 

Women should be supporting each other and encouraging each other. We should take a step back and allow others to have the spotlight on them.

Of course, this goes beyond writing and role-playing and into everything we do. Women need to support each other and lift each other up instead of tearing each other down.

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I Lost a Friend Today

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I Lost a Friend Today
I lost a friend today.
I should feel sad,
But I don’t.

I lost a friend today.
I should be sad, 
But I am glad.

Words were exchanged,
And I held my own.
Words were exchanged,
And I held my own.

No matter who you are,
There is a time and a place.
Friends should support others.
Those closest to you, should support you.
When they don’t it is time to remove them from your life.

Everyone in your boat may not be rowing for you, but against you.
As your success grows, their loyalty fades.
They would rather push you down, then see you succeed.

So today I lost a friend,
And I am happy!

But I wish it were easier to make and keep friends. 
Maybe there is something wrong with me.

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Everything Ends

Everything must come to an end.
No matter how much work has been done.
No matter how much time has been given.
Everything must come to an end.

Sadness envelopes me as it ends.
A chapter of my life, which has gotten me through so many challenging times.
All of my work is gone in an instant.
Friendships, stories, development gone.
Where do we go from here, and how do I overcome this crushing defeat?
All things end, but I wish they didn't have to.

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Always Alone

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As much as I give, I lose.
As much as I care, they don’t.

How do you know how important you are?
Do I think more of you than you think of me?
I am hopeless and alone, always and forever

As much as I help, it’s never enough.
As much as I love, I hurt.

I am not important and never have been.
To those I care about, they care little for me.
I am hopeless and alone, always and forever.

I am the one who gets tossed aside, forgotten each time.
A new thing comes along.

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Good Friends

Photo by Aritfur Rahman on Unsplash

Good Friends

 What do you want from a good friend?
What do you expect from a good friend?

A friend should always have your back.
A friend should stand by you and support you.

However, a good friend will support you,
They will also tell you when you are wrong. 

They call you out and give you advice, 
Even if it’s not what you want to hear.

Good friends should be treasured.
Good friends are hard to find.
Don’t be angry with them for telling you the truth.
Be thankful for they are the only ones who truly care.

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Scream and Yell

Photo by Louis Smith on Unsplash
Some might say I’m mean.
Some might say I’m loud.
People will say anything to hurt you.
They will make you question who you are,
And what you stand for.
They say you’re the mean one.
You might be loud and yell.
You might scream and curse,
But sometimes you need to.
You need to yell, scream, fight!
You need to be loud!
They may think you are being mean, but who cares!
When people are bullied, tormented, and wronged.
You have to stand up!
You have to give them a voice when they have none.
You have to yell, scream, and fight!
You have to stand up!
You have to give them a voice when they have none.

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Time to Move on

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I hang on longer than most. 
My hands will bleed, blisters will form.
Scraps and cuts do not bother me.
But once I am done, I will not go back.

My skin is torn, there is blood on my shirt.
My grip is tight, it strains my arms.
I call out for help, as the grip loosens.
But once I am done,  I will not return.

It might take several times, it might take years. 
The scars will heal, the blisters fade, but the memory lives on.
 I hold on again, but I do not stay long. 
But once I am done, there is not going back,

I hung on longer than you did.
My hands bleed and the blisters broke, 
But once that branch breaks, I am done.

You can only hang on to people for so long.
Before you lose your grip. 
You look at your hands and remember how pretty they were,
Before the blood, scars and blisters.
You remember how happy you were once, 
And you know it is time to move on. 

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Loser

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
I am the one that everyone forgets.
They say they don't, but they do.
They say we missed you
But they don't talk to me.
As soon as I come in, everything stops.
Am I a killjoy?
Do they just say they miss me because that's what they are supposed to say?
How do you know someone is genuine? 
Because I just feel completely useless and forgotten.
And if I didn't talk to them for weeks on end, it wouldn't matter.
I'm an outsider watching them.
I'm a loser sitting by myself.
And I don't know what to do.

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It Eats Away at Your Soul

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It eats away at your soul.
First you think it’s all a joke,
Then they make you wonder.
Is it a joke?
The taunts eat at you, 
over and over again
Until you are a shell of what you once were. 
You question it all and run and hide away.
It eats away at your heart.
The harsh words said in jest. 
They make you wonder?
Are they real or folly?
Until you are a shell of what you once were.



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