I longed to hold you. To see your face, to kiss your feet. To hear your laughter, to hear your cries. I wanted you came to when life was hard I wanted you to when life was not. To hold you and love you, To tell you when you were wrong. To tell you when you're right, To be proud of you and watch you succeed. Taken from me so young, Before, I knew who you were. I longed to be your mom. To hold you when you're sad, To laugh with you when you're happy. To catch you when you fall, and lift you up to the sky Taken from me so young, Your little heart, And now it beats no more, To hold you just to know if you are a boy or a girl.
FREE BOOK! FROM NOW UNTIL JANUARY 1!
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This is a collection of poems, thoughts, short stories, and art. I hope you enjoy them. Many of my poems might be dark and depressing, but writing is how I cope with things life throws at us. When I’m frustrated, hurt, and sad, I write. It helps me cope with my feeling though not every poem will fit this description most of them will.
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Awareness day. 1 in every 4 pregnancies ends in a miscarriage.
During this month, I will give my book. Birth After Miscarriage: A Spiritual Journey away for free. You can download the E-book from Amazon.
FREE FROM OCTOBER 13-17
I always wanted to be a mom. After my miscarriage, I thought it would never happen. God had a wonderful plan for my life. I just have to wait and put my faith in Him. Many women suffer the tremendous loss of a miscarriage. They often believe they are alone, but they are never alone. Rest assured that it is not anyone’s fault! It is simply a sad component of life. In every four pregnancies, one ends in a miscarriage. I am sharing my story to help other women who have experienced the same pain I have.
These are thoughts I had when I was pregnant with my son Vance.
December 14, 2010 at 4:14pm
Yesterday I felt like my water was breaking. I called my doctor, and they told me to come to the hospital. I am 34 weeks pregnant with my second child and I had a c-section with my first one. While at the hospital they hooked me up to monitors and saw I was having contractions. They later gave me an IV of fluids and did several tests. They decided that I had a UTI and gave me a prescription. However, they also noticed that my baby’s heartbeat had dropped at several places. The hospital does not do ultrasounds at night so I was sent home. My doctor has scheduled me for an ultrasound for tonight. I am worried. Why would I have contractions? I didn’t feel them, just uncomfortable. Could the cord be bugging the baby? Could he be pulling on it or could it be around his neck? My husband thinks they would not have sent me home if there was something wrong, but I thought they just didn’t want to worry me.
A hospital that doesn’t do ultrasounds? I mean they made me wait until the next day. And I didn’t have an appointment until that night.
The ultrasound tech said everything was good. Baby looked good, he is about 6 pounds, and everything was good. He only mentioned that there was enough amniotic fluid and that it was on the high side, but I got a call from the doctor today saying that there was too much fluid. So I am not sure what this means. She said he has too big of a swimming pool. Therefore, I am going for blood work tomorrow to test my blood sugar levels and they are sending me to fetal maternal medicine. Therefore, I panicked again but then when they call with my appointment they say January 5! What! If it was that important why wait? Keep in mind this was December 16th. I have a regular appointment tomorrow so maybe I can learn more but I have never heard of having too much fluid.
Update: Vance is now 7 years old. The fluid didn’t seem to be much of an issue. Vance has some behavioral issues he takes concerta for but that seems to be something that most people in his family have and nothing related to the amount of fluid postpartum.
I wanted to give updates in case others have the same or similar questions.
BABY VAN PART II
December 15, 2010 at 6:44pm
As I said last night, the ultrasound tech said that everything was good. Baby looked good, he is about 6 pounds, and everything was good. He only mentioned that there was enough ambiotic fluid and that it was on the high side, but I got a call from the doctor today saying that there was too much fluid. So I am not sure what this means. She said he has too big of a swimming pool. Therefore, I am going for blood work tomorrow to test my blood sugar levels and they are sending me to fetal maternal medicine. Therefore, I panic again but then when they call with my appointment they say January 5! What! If it was that important, why wait? I have a regular appointment tomorrow so maybe I can learn more but I have never heard of having too much fluid. Has this happened to anyone else?
C-SECTION OR A VAGINAL AFTER A C-SECTION