My Little Baby

Zelda
 I sit here looking through old photos, toys, and memories.
I look at you as you grew, and I think,
Where did my baby go?
 
My little girl, so grown up with a mind of her own.
I miss the days of snuggles and rocking you to sleep.
I miss your giggles and your nonsense words.
 
I can’t stop you from growing,
and I can’t stop you from getting hurt,
but mommy will be here no matter what.
 
Loving you and snuggling you,
just like I did when you were my little baby. 
You will always be my little baby girl.

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Ramblings of a Chaotic Mind (NEW BOOK)

Ramblings of a Chaotic Mind
This is a collection of poems, thoughts, short stories, and art. I hope you enjoy them.

Many of my poems might be dark and depressing, but writing is how I cope with things life throws at us. When I’m frustrated, hurt, and sad, I write. It helps me cope with my feelings though not every poem will fit this description most of them will.

I write on a slew of subjects; motherhood, family, miscarriage, children, raising children and many more. Sometimes moms get into a competition of who’s the better mother or who has the best kids, whose job is hard, and that mindset helps no one. I promise to be as real as I can, hoping the things that have challenged me can help someone else.

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I Lost a Friend Today

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I Lost a Friend Today
I lost a friend today.
I should feel sad,
But I don’t.

I lost a friend today.
I should be sad, 
But I am glad.

Words were exchanged,
And I held my own.
Words were exchanged,
And I held my own.

No matter who you are,
There is a time and a place.
Friends should support others.
Those closest to you, should support you.
When they don’t it is time to remove them from your life.

Everyone in your boat may not be rowing for you, but against you.
As your success grows, their loyalty fades.
They would rather push you down, then see you succeed.

So today I lost a friend,
And I am happy!

But I wish it were easier to make and keep friends. 
Maybe there is something wrong with me.

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Everything Ends

Everything must come to an end.
No matter how much work has been done.
No matter how much time has been given.
Everything must come to an end.

Sadness envelopes me as it ends.
A chapter of my life, which has gotten me through so many challenging times.
All of my work is gone in an instant.
Friendships, stories, development gone.
Where do we go from here, and how do I overcome this crushing defeat?
All things end, but I wish they didn't have to.

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Always Alone

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As much as I give, I lose.
As much as I care, they don’t.

How do you know how important you are?
Do I think more of you than you think of me?
I am hopeless and alone, always and forever

As much as I help, it’s never enough.
As much as I love, I hurt.

I am not important and never have been.
To those I care about, they care little for me.
I am hopeless and alone, always and forever.

I am the one who gets tossed aside, forgotten each time.
A new thing comes along.

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Good Friends

Photo by Aritfur Rahman on Unsplash

Good Friends

 What do you want from a good friend?
What do you expect from a good friend?

A friend should always have your back.
A friend should stand by you and support you.

However, a good friend will support you,
They will also tell you when you are wrong. 

They call you out and give you advice, 
Even if it’s not what you want to hear.

Good friends should be treasured.
Good friends are hard to find.
Don’t be angry with them for telling you the truth.
Be thankful for they are the only ones who truly care.

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Scream and Yell

Photo by Louis Smith on Unsplash
Some might say I’m mean.
Some might say I’m loud.
People will say anything to hurt you.
They will make you question who you are,
And what you stand for.
They say you’re the mean one.
You might be loud and yell.
You might scream and curse,
But sometimes you need to.
You need to yell, scream, fight!
You need to be loud!
They may think you are being mean, but who cares!
When people are bullied, tormented, and wronged.
You have to stand up!
You have to give them a voice when they have none.
You have to yell, scream, and fight!
You have to stand up!
You have to give them a voice when they have none.

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Time to Move on

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Photo by Min An on Pexels.com
I hang on longer than most. 
My hands will bleed, blisters will form.
Scraps and cuts do not bother me.
But once I am done, I will not go back.

My skin is torn, there is blood on my shirt.
My grip is tight, it strains my arms.
I call out for help, as the grip loosens.
But once I am done,  I will not return.

It might take several times, it might take years. 
The scars will heal, the blisters fade, but the memory lives on.
 I hold on again, but I do not stay long. 
But once I am done, there is not going back,

I hung on longer than you did.
My hands bleed and the blisters broke, 
But once that branch breaks, I am done.

You can only hang on to people for so long.
Before you lose your grip. 
You look at your hands and remember how pretty they were,
Before the blood, scars and blisters.
You remember how happy you were once, 
And you know it is time to move on. 

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It Eats Away at Your Soul

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It eats away at your soul.
First you think it’s all a joke,
Then they make you wonder.
Is it a joke?
The taunts eat at you, 
over and over again
Until you are a shell of what you once were. 
You question it all and run and hide away.
It eats away at your heart.
The harsh words said in jest. 
They make you wonder?
Are they real or folly?
Until you are a shell of what you once were.



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Why do I speak?

 Why do I speak?
Why do I speak up when my words hurt others?
Is it better to be meek and quiet and stay away?
Is it better to just let things go and move on?
 
All I want to do right now is hide, but the pain is too much.
I hide but then in that hiding there is so much pain.
 
I don’t want to hide but I can’t deal. 
I can’t handle the arguments and rejection
So I pull myself away and hide though I cry. 
 
When I speak, I am loud and brash. 
I say what I mean.
When I speak people become upset. 
They lash out of they lash out on themselves
 
Blaming themselves instead of fixing what’s wrong. 
Then they turned it on me once again and I hid.
Should I face them, what good will come of that.
Facing someone leads to more problems but the problems I have are within me and not you.
 
I can only take so much before I speak.
 I can only be so quiet before I say something. 
And it's in that saying something that these issues come out.
Nothing is fixed, it's only me and me alone who has the issues. 
All else falls to the side as I hide.





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