Wishing You Were Here

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Photo by Vladislav Muslakov on Unsplash

 

 

I wake in the evening hoping you are there.

The days apart are so long.

To feel your embrace, and feel your love.

 

Though the days and nights are long.

Your voice calms my soul.

Somethings are worth waiting for.

Some people are worth the wait. 

 

Each morning to hear your voice

Wishing you were here.

Wishing our lives were one. 

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You Still Love Me!

I can tell you everything,

All that’s on my heart.

You can see me cry, and hear me laugh.

You see my flaws and my faults

 

And somehow still

You love me. 

 

I can tell you everything,

All that’s on my heart

You see me mad, and you hear me scream.

You see my errors and you see my pain.

And somehow still

You love me.

 

I can be myself

As odd as I am

As kooky and bizarre as I am.

And you love it all the same. 

 

That’s what love is supposed to look like. 

The Little Turtle

 

The Little Turtle

A Turtle hatches as it makes it away 

Out of the sand.

No one is there, they have all left.

Running to the sea to begin their lives.

 

The turtle looks back at the empty nest.

Should I stay? The turtle asks.

Safe and secure.

Or make my way to the shore?

 

Will they be there waiting for me?

Waiting in the water?

Or will they all be gone, and 

I will be alone again.

 

Safe and secure for how long?

Or go to the shore,

Where uncertainty lies?

 

Will I be alone again. Floating endlessly in

The sea of despair.

 

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Ramblings of the Mind, is a collection of art, poems, and thoughts. Many of my poems might be dark and depressing, but writing is how I cope with things life throws at us. When I’m frustrated, hurt, and sad, I write. It helps me cope with my feeling though not every poem will fit this description most of them.

Deserve to be Happy

Photo by lucas clarysse on Unsplash

 

Deserve to be Happy?

 

Tears flow for freely

It’s uncontrollable

I can’t stop the pain in my heart.

 


The world will never be

Sunny and cheerful again

If you are not part of it.

Darkness and gloom cover my existence.

 


As I gasp for air as I try to be calm.

But nothing calms me as I sit in the dark.

Why have I done the things I have done?

Why am I such a horrible person to hurt you so?

 


I don’t deserve to be happy.

I don’t deserve love.

But you, you deserve all of this and more.

 

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More poems!

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Birth After Miscarriage: A Spiritual Journey Chapter 1 Wanting to be a Mom

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Birth After Miscarriage

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Chapter 1 Wanting to be a Mom

Ever since my mother died when I was eleven years old, I wanted to be a mom. She was an amazing and inspiring woman. I hope to one day be half the woman she was.

I didn’t get married to have a baby. I didn’t try to have a family until we were five years into our marriage. It gave us the opportunity to spend time together and learn each other on a deeper level.

When Devin said he was ready to be a dad, I was excited. I wanted to make a doctor’s appointment to ensure I was healthy enough to bear a child.

We discussed plans surrounding the baby’s arrival and dreamt sweetly about name options. The thoughts were beautiful. We were ready for this next phase in our lives.

I figured I’d become pregnant immediately, but it did not happen that way. We created a calendar so I could record the basal temperature readings from my ovulation tests along with my ovulation and menstrual cycles. Unfortunately, it became more expensive than we had anticipated it would be.

“Stop buying these tests. We don’t have enough money for you to keep doing this,” Devin kept telling me. “It will happen when God wants it to happen.”

Although I didn’t give up, I didn’t expect to become pregnant. I was frustrated because I thought God wanted me to be a mom. Was something wrong with me? Had I been wrong?

I tested regularly without seeing the results I hoped for. When we first tried to have a baby, I took the pregnancy test before I missed my menstrual cycle. I was so anxious that I circled the earliest dates on my calendar when I could expect the most accurate testing results.

After months of negative outcomes, I gave up on the idea of having a child. I know of women who tried for years without ever becoming pregnant. In comparison, I had not been trying for a long time, but I was still frustrated with the process and the absence of a child.

I went to my doctor for a regular checkup who had become pregnant after enduring a struggle very similar to my own. She was now five months pregnant and thought she should offer her advice.

“Get an ovulation tester. Sperm can live up to five days in the uterus, so it’s good to have sperm in there before you ovulate. The younger the sperm are, the stronger they are. But once the egg drops, you only have twelve hours to fertilize it before it deteriorates.”

Our conversation helped me tremendously. I had been misusing the testers. I thought I should have been indulging in sexual intercourse once I started to ovulate, but that was extremely far from the truth. Starting a few days before I ovulated would increase my chance of becoming pregnant. Once the egg dropped, I would have a supply of sperm waiting for it.

I had always been amazed at how people struck gold on their first try. But, as Devin said, “It will happen in God’s time, not ours.”

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Birth After Miscarriage

Invisible

NANCY ANN (2)

<

p dir=”ltr”>I feel invisible. I am invisible.
As if life is passing me by and no one seems to notice or care.

You run around me asking for help, but my hand you do not see.

I am invisible. I am invisible.

You walk right past me as if no one was there.

I am a shadow of the way I was, a body with no host.

You walk right past me as if I was a ghost.

I am a shadow of my former self, as I try to hold on to things of the past

A shadow of the life that I used to share.

I am invisible. I am invisible.

You walk right past me as if no one was there.

I am a shadow of the way I was, a body with no host.

You walk right past me as if I was a ghost.

<

p dir=”ltr”>You walk right past me as if I am nothing.
The tears I shed, go unnoticed as you no longer care.

You walk past me as if I was never there.

Why is my self-worth wrapped up in what you think?

I watched everything go by but seeing nothing as nothing is left for me.

Trapped in a box I can not escape,

The water pulls em under but you do not see

I am invisible, I am invisible

You walk right past me as if no one was there

I am a shadow of the way I was, a body with no host

You walk right past me as if I was a ghost