Ever since my mother died when I was eleven years old, I wanted to be a mom. She was an amazing and inspiring woman. I hope to one day be half the woman she was.
I didn’t get married to have a baby. I didn’t try to have a family until we were five years into our marriage. It gave us the opportunity to spend time together and learn each other on a deeper level.
When Devin said he was ready to be a dad, I was excited. I wanted to make a doctor’s appointment to ensure I was healthy enough to bear a child.
We discussed plans surrounding the baby’s arrival and dreamt sweetly about name options. The thoughts were beautiful. We were ready for this next phase in our lives.
I figured I’d become pregnant immediately, but it did not happen that way. We created a calendar so I could record the basal temperature readings from my ovulation tests along with my ovulation and menstrual cycles. Unfortunately, it became more expensive than we had anticipated it would be.
“Stop buying these tests. We don’t have enough money for you to keep doing this,” Devin kept telling me. “It will happen when God wants it to happen.”
Although I didn’t give up, I didn’t expect to become pregnant. I was frustrated because I thought God wanted me to be a mom. Was something wrong with me? Had I been wrong?
I tested regularly without seeing the results I hoped for. When we first tried to have a baby, I took the pregnancy test before I missed my menstrual cycle. I was so anxious that I circled the earliest dates on my calendar when I could expect the most accurate testing results.
After months of negative outcomes, I gave up on the idea of having a child. I know of women who tried for years without ever becoming pregnant. In comparison, I had not been trying for a long time, but I was still frustrated with the process and the absence of a child.
I went to my doctor for a regular checkup who had become pregnant after enduring a struggle very similar to my own. She was now five months pregnant and thought she should offer her advice.
“Get an ovulation tester. Sperm can live up to five days in the uterus, so it’s good to have sperm in there before you ovulate. The younger the sperm are, the stronger they are. But once the egg drops, you only have twelve hours to fertilize it before it deteriorates.”
Our conversation helped me tremendously. I had been misusing the testers. I thought I should have been indulging in sexual intercourse once I started to ovulate, but that was extremely far from the truth. Starting a few days before I ovulated would increase my chance of becoming pregnant. Once the egg dropped, I would have a supply of sperm waiting for it.
I had always been amazed at how people struck gold on their first try. But, as Devin said, “It will happen in God’s time, not ours.”
This is for parents of special education children. You must fight for their rights. You are the only voice they have.
Doctors diagnosed Zelda, my daughter, with Autism at 2 years. We weathered through early childhood intervention. She had speech therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy. I felt very comfortable with the early intervention team but when we transferred over to the school teams, everything was a challenge. You had to fight for everything.
This is one example of the IEP process that caused us problems.
We had Zelda’s IEP today. Zelda is in the 3-year-old preschool disabled classroom. I have a problem with the IEP process. During an IEP meeting, case managers give parents a copy of the IEP. School districts expect parents to read over it there and agree to it there.
To prepare for this meeting, I read over her past IEP and her progress reports. I wanted to be knowledgeable of what they expected of her and what services she was receiving. I came with questions I wanted to ask at the meeting based on the goals and objectives in her original IEP. There were objectives that Zelda was still working on based on her progress report and I had questions prepared based on that report.
Zelda mastered those goals, but no one told me. I proud of Zelda for making her goals but I wish I knew what they were before the meeting. I didn’t have access to the new goals until the meeting.
Another shock came when they plan where they wanted to place Zelda for next school year. When Zelda started school in October, they planned on putting in the inclusion 3-year-old room in December, then it was the end of the year. Then it was to let her transition in the summer program. Now they say they want her to go to the preschool disabled 4-year-old class. I mean Did I miss something? Zelda made her goals, but she is not moving her to her least restrictive environment or to what I thought was her least restrictive environment.
This frustrates me because I had the entire IEP team there this morning and new information and no time to process it. Now I have questions.
I want a working copy of the IEP’s given out to parents possible a week or more before the IEP meeting.. If everyone knew the contents IEP before the meeting, we could have more intelligent questions.
It’s not just this school district. Schools have 7 to 10 days after the IEP meeting the parents to get a copy of the IEP. It is better to receive a working copy before the meeting. Parents are not the enemy. We are both on the same team. Both school and home want what is best for our student.
Something for parents to remember:
The school will make it sound as if you have to but you don’t. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SIGN IT. Why sign a document you have not had time to read it and understand it?
You can request a copy of the IEP ahead of time. I am a teacher. This is not a difficult request.
UPDATE ON ZELDA
Going from the 3-year-old who couldn’t talk to the girl in the third grader whose biggest problem is talking in class brings tears to my eyes. She is an amazing child and has come so far. I can’t wait to see where life takes her.
Women rarely support each other. It is hard to find women that support each other.
When I was in school, kids bullied me. My mom was the sick mom with cancer and we didn’t have a lot of money, My clothes were old and torn. Since then I had low self-esteem.
I found later that writing was something I loved. And when I found Roleplay, I made friends fast, and I didn’t believe it. Someone told me I was their best friend, and I took a long time to believe it. Because who wants me as a best friend?
When it comes to Role Play, it seemsa lot ofwomen think they must be the center of attention. In a role play, you can be anyone you want to be. I find people change who they are and use fake profiles because they are not happy with themselves.
Role Play is best when you let people be creative. We’ve had some awesome plots that were not created by admins. My friend Breen created two plots that were amazing. I know will blush if she reads this but its true.
Women should be supporting each other and encouraging each other. We should take a step back and allow others to have the spotlight on them.
Of course, this goes beyond writing and role-playing and into everything we do. Women need to support each other and lift each other up instead of tearing each other down.