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I don’t know if anyone here is on Medium. At first, I went on to build a following but the site seemed too preoccupied with how much money you make and whether the curators liked your story. Most of the groups I have been in about Medium have only been concerned with money.

I try to get my work on as many sites as I an to build a following. If you are interested in building a following and finding a new place to showcase your work please join me. I created a publication on Medium for all writers.

Purple Pen

 

The Purple Pen (4)

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Wishing You Were Here

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Photo by Vladislav Muslakov on Unsplash

 

 

I wake in the evening hoping you are there.

The days apart are so long.

To feel your embrace, and feel your love.

 

Though the days and nights are long.

Your voice calms my soul.

Somethings are worth waiting for.

Some people are worth the wait. 

 

Each morning to hear your voice

Wishing you were here.

Wishing our lives were one. 

You Still Love Me!

I can tell you everything,

All that’s on my heart.

You can see me cry, and hear me laugh.

You see my flaws and my faults

 

And somehow still

You love me. 

 

I can tell you everything,

All that’s on my heart

You see me mad, and you hear me scream.

You see my errors and you see my pain.

And somehow still

You love me.

 

I can be myself

As odd as I am

As kooky and bizarre as I am.

And you love it all the same. 

 

That’s what love is supposed to look like. 

The Little Turtle

 

The Little Turtle

A Turtle hatches as it makes it away 

Out of the sand.

No one is there, they have all left.

Running to the sea to begin their lives.

 

The turtle looks back at the empty nest.

Should I stay? The turtle asks.

Safe and secure.

Or make my way to the shore?

 

Will they be there waiting for me?

Waiting in the water?

Or will they all be gone, and 

I will be alone again.

 

Safe and secure for how long?

Or go to the shore,

Where uncertainty lies?

 

Will I be alone again. Floating endlessly in

The sea of despair.

 

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Free Poetry Book

 

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Ramblings of the Mind, is a collection of art, poems, and thoughts. Many of my poems might be dark and depressing, but writing is how I cope with things life throws at us. When I’m frustrated, hurt, and sad, I write. It helps me cope with my feeling though not every poem will fit this description most of them.

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I always wanted to be a mom. After my miscarriage, I thought it would never happen. God had a wonderful plan for my life. I just have to wait and put my faith in Him. Many women suffer the tremendous loss of a miscarriage. They often believe they are alone, but they are never alone. Rest assured that it is not anyone’s fault! It is simply a sad component of life. In every four pregnancies, one ends in a miscarriage. I am sharing my story to help other women who have experienced the same pain I have.
 
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book cover nancy

Deserve to be Happy

Photo by lucas clarysse on Unsplash

 

Deserve to be Happy?

 

Tears flow for freely

It’s uncontrollable

I can’t stop the pain in my heart.

 


The world will never be

Sunny and cheerful again

If you are not part of it.

Darkness and gloom cover my existence.

 


As I gasp for air as I try to be calm.

But nothing calms me as I sit in the dark.

Why have I done the things I have done?

Why am I such a horrible person to hurt you so?

 


I don’t deserve to be happy.

I don’t deserve love.

But you, you deserve all of this and more.

 

Check out more of my poems!

More poems!

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Birth After Miscarriage: A Spiritual Journey Chapter 1 Wanting to be a Mom

This Book can be found on Amazon.com

Birth After Miscarriage

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Chapter 1 Wanting to be a Mom

Ever since my mother died when I was eleven years old, I wanted to be a mom. She was an amazing and inspiring woman. I hope to one day be half the woman she was.

I didn’t get married to have a baby. I didn’t try to have a family until we were five years into our marriage. It gave us the opportunity to spend time together and learn each other on a deeper level.

When Devin said he was ready to be a dad, I was excited. I wanted to make a doctor’s appointment to ensure I was healthy enough to bear a child.

We discussed plans surrounding the baby’s arrival and dreamt sweetly about name options. The thoughts were beautiful. We were ready for this next phase in our lives.

I figured I’d become pregnant immediately, but it did not happen that way. We created a calendar so I could record the basal temperature readings from my ovulation tests along with my ovulation and menstrual cycles. Unfortunately, it became more expensive than we had anticipated it would be.

“Stop buying these tests. We don’t have enough money for you to keep doing this,” Devin kept telling me. “It will happen when God wants it to happen.”

Although I didn’t give up, I didn’t expect to become pregnant. I was frustrated because I thought God wanted me to be a mom. Was something wrong with me? Had I been wrong?

I tested regularly without seeing the results I hoped for. When we first tried to have a baby, I took the pregnancy test before I missed my menstrual cycle. I was so anxious that I circled the earliest dates on my calendar when I could expect the most accurate testing results.

After months of negative outcomes, I gave up on the idea of having a child. I know of women who tried for years without ever becoming pregnant. In comparison, I had not been trying for a long time, but I was still frustrated with the process and the absence of a child.

I went to my doctor for a regular checkup who had become pregnant after enduring a struggle very similar to my own. She was now five months pregnant and thought she should offer her advice.

“Get an ovulation tester. Sperm can live up to five days in the uterus, so it’s good to have sperm in there before you ovulate. The younger the sperm are, the stronger they are. But once the egg drops, you only have twelve hours to fertilize it before it deteriorates.”

Our conversation helped me tremendously. I had been misusing the testers. I thought I should have been indulging in sexual intercourse once I started to ovulate, but that was extremely far from the truth. Starting a few days before I ovulated would increase my chance of becoming pregnant. Once the egg dropped, I would have a supply of sperm waiting for it.

I had always been amazed at how people struck gold on their first try. But, as Devin said, “It will happen in God’s time, not ours.”

THE BOOK CAN BE FOUND AT AMAZON.COM

Birth After Miscarriage

Information for Parents of Special Education Children.

special education.jpg

This is for parents of special education children. You must fight for their rights. You are the only voice they have.

Doctors diagnosed Zelda, my daughter, with Autism at 2 years. We weathered through early childhood intervention. She had speech therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy. I felt very comfortable with the early intervention team but when we transferred over to the school teams, everything was a challenge. You had to fight for everything.

This is one example of the IEP process that caused us problems.

ZELDA’S IEP

We had Zelda’s IEP today. Zelda is in the 3-year-old preschool disabled classroom. I have a problem with the IEP process. During an IEP meeting, case managers give parents a copy of the IEP.  School districts expect parents to read over it there and agree to it there.

To prepare for this meeting, I read over her past IEP and her progress reports. I wanted to be knowledgeable of what they expected of her and what services she was receiving. I came with questions I wanted to ask at the meeting based on the goals and objectives in her original IEP. There were objectives that Zelda was still working on based on her progress report and I had questions prepared based on that report.

Zelda mastered those goals, but no one told me. I proud of Zelda for making her goals but I wish I knew what they were before the meeting.  I didn’t have access to the new goals until the meeting.

Another shock came when they plan where they wanted to place Zelda for next school year. When Zelda started school in October, they planned on putting in the inclusion 3-year-old room in December, then it was the end of the year. Then it was to let her transition in the summer program. Now they say they want her to go to the preschool disabled 4-year-old class. I mean Did I miss something?   Zelda made her goals, but she is not moving her to her least restrictive environment or to what I thought was her least restrictive environment.

This frustrates me because I had the entire IEP team there this morning and new information and no time to process it. Now I have questions.

I want a working copy of the IEP’s given out to parents possible a week or more before the IEP meeting.. If everyone knew the contents IEP before the meeting, we could have more intelligent questions.

It’s not just this school district.  Schools have 7 to 10 days after the IEP meeting the parents to get a copy of the IEP.  It is better to receive a working copy before the meeting.  Parents are not the enemy. We are both on the same team. Both school and home want what is best for our student.

Something for parents to remember:

The school will make it sound as if you have to but you don’t. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SIGN IT.  Why sign a document you have not had time to read it and understand it?  

You can request a copy of the IEP ahead of time. I am a teacher. This is not a difficult request.

UPDATE ON ZELDA

Going from the 3-year-old who couldn’t talk to the girl in the third grader whose biggest problem is talking in class brings tears to my eyes. She is an amazing child and has come so far. I can’t wait to see where life takes her.

 

The Morning

 

The alarm resounds in my head and I grumble and moan.

It pulls me from my slumber with a start.

My blankets wrapped around me keeping me warm as the cold morning air hits me.

 

I pull the covers over my head.

It can’t be morning already.

I want to hide from everyone and everything.

Just lay and look up at the ceiling and dream.

 

I want to hide from the world and pull the blankets closer.

The cold morning air wakes me, but I retreat under the covers.

Never leave the warmth and safety of the bed

Just lay and look up at the ceiling and dream.

 

I lay alone with all my thoughts,

The quiet in the morning

No one expecting anything from me

In this quiet time, oh the thoughts that come

 

Alas I must rise, each day the same

Running a race that never ends

 

Let me pull the covers back over my head.

The race never ends, just to take some days alone with my kids.

No work, no stress, just me and my kids.