Deserve to be Happy

Photo by lucas clarysse on Unsplash

 

Deserve to be Happy?

 

Tears flow for freely

It’s uncontrollable

I can’t stop the pain in my heart.

 


The world will never be

Sunny and cheerful again

If you are not part of it.

Darkness and gloom cover my existence.

 


As I gasp for air as I try to be calm.

But nothing calms me as I sit in the dark.

Why have I done the things I have done?

Why am I such a horrible person to hurt you so?

 


I don’t deserve to be happy.

I don’t deserve love.

But you, you deserve all of this and more.

 

Check out more of my poems!

More poems!

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Rain

Check this poem and more out at Medium.com

NancyAnn

View at Medium.com

 

rain picture
Photo by Matteo Catanese on Unsplash

 

 

Tap Tap, splash, splash, plop, plop!

As you walk the puddles splash up getting your pants wet.

Despite this, the sounds are soothing.

Tap Tap, splash, splash, plop, plop!

Tap Tap, splash, splash, plop, plop!

Tap Tap, splash, splash, plop, plop!

The cold sinking into your clothes as,

It sends shivers down your spine.

Tap Tap, splash, splash, plop, plop!

Tap Tap, splash, splash, plop, plop!

Your lips turned blue, the rain thickens,

Now running down your forehead and into your eyes.

You blink as you wipe your eyes,

Tap Tap, splash, splash, plop, plop!

Tap Tap, splash, splash, plop, plop!

As you return home, the warmth hits you.

A blanket wraps around you as you sit and listen,

To the tap tap of the rain on the roof.

Tap Tap, splash, splash, plop, plop!

Tap Tap, splash, splash, plop, plop!

 

 

Birth After Miscarriage: A Spiritual Journey Chapter 1 Wanting to be a Mom

This Book can be found on Amazon.com

Birth After Miscarriage

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Chapter 1 Wanting to be a Mom

Ever since my mother died when I was eleven years old, I wanted to be a mom. She was an amazing and inspiring woman. I hope to one day be half the woman she was.

I didn’t get married to have a baby. I didn’t try to have a family until we were five years into our marriage. It gave us the opportunity to spend time together and learn each other on a deeper level.

When Devin said he was ready to be a dad, I was excited. I wanted to make a doctor’s appointment to ensure I was healthy enough to bear a child.

We discussed plans surrounding the baby’s arrival and dreamt sweetly about name options. The thoughts were beautiful. We were ready for this next phase in our lives.

I figured I’d become pregnant immediately, but it did not happen that way. We created a calendar so I could record the basal temperature readings from my ovulation tests along with my ovulation and menstrual cycles. Unfortunately, it became more expensive than we had anticipated it would be.

“Stop buying these tests. We don’t have enough money for you to keep doing this,” Devin kept telling me. “It will happen when God wants it to happen.”

Although I didn’t give up, I didn’t expect to become pregnant. I was frustrated because I thought God wanted me to be a mom. Was something wrong with me? Had I been wrong?

I tested regularly without seeing the results I hoped for. When we first tried to have a baby, I took the pregnancy test before I missed my menstrual cycle. I was so anxious that I circled the earliest dates on my calendar when I could expect the most accurate testing results.

After months of negative outcomes, I gave up on the idea of having a child. I know of women who tried for years without ever becoming pregnant. In comparison, I had not been trying for a long time, but I was still frustrated with the process and the absence of a child.

I went to my doctor for a regular checkup who had become pregnant after enduring a struggle very similar to my own. She was now five months pregnant and thought she should offer her advice.

“Get an ovulation tester. Sperm can live up to five days in the uterus, so it’s good to have sperm in there before you ovulate. The younger the sperm are, the stronger they are. But once the egg drops, you only have twelve hours to fertilize it before it deteriorates.”

Our conversation helped me tremendously. I had been misusing the testers. I thought I should have been indulging in sexual intercourse once I started to ovulate, but that was extremely far from the truth. Starting a few days before I ovulated would increase my chance of becoming pregnant. Once the egg dropped, I would have a supply of sperm waiting for it.

I had always been amazed at how people struck gold on their first try. But, as Devin said, “It will happen in God’s time, not ours.”

THE BOOK CAN BE FOUND AT AMAZON.COM

Birth After Miscarriage

Women Need to Support Other Women

 

Women need to support other women!

Women rarely support each other.  It is hard to find women that support each other.  

When I was in school, kids bullied me.  My mom was the sick mom with cancer and we didn’t have a lot of money, My clothes were old and torn. Since then I had low self-esteem.

I found later that writing was something I loved. And when I found Roleplay,  I made friends fast, and I didn’t believe it. Someone told me I was their best friend, and I took a long time to believe it. Because who wants me as a best friend?

When it comes to Role Play, it seems a lot of women think they must be the center of attention.  In a role play, you can be anyone you want to be. I find people change who they are and use fake profiles because they are not happy with themselves.

Role Play is best when you let people be creative. We’ve had some awesome plots that were not created by admins. My friend Breen created two plots that were amazing. I know will blush if she reads this but its true. 

Women should be supporting each other and encouraging each other. We should take a step back and allow others to have the spotlight on them.

Of course, this goes beyond writing and role-playing and into everything we do. Women need to support each other and lift each other up instead of tearing each other down.

Free Book!!!

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Rambling of the Mind (FREE)

My book will be free this week starting tomorrow and going until Friday.

Ramblings of the Mind, is a collection of art, poems, and thoughts. Many of my poems might be dark and depressing, but writing is how I cope with things life throws at us. When I’m frustrated, hurt, and sad, I write. It helps me cope with my feeling though not every poem will fit this description most of them will.

A Glimmer of Hope

I stand at the door knocking

As I wait

But there is no response.

 

Only darkness meets me there

Only depression and isolation.

 

The absence of the warmth

Of the friendship, I once knew.

I knock again, hoping for a response.

A sign of hope,

A glimmer of trust.

Anything I can hold onto when

Nothing is given

 

I see you from a distance

And see you with my friends

But why have I been pushed away?

 

Why do you shun me and forsake me?

Why and how could you forget me?

 

Am I that useless and unimportant in your eyes?

 

How is that I can fight for you when no one fights for me?

 

A glimmer of hope is all I need.

Just open a crack to let the light shine in.

Birth After Miscarriage

This is the Kindle edition to my book has been updated and edited by my editor. Please read it and leave a review. Thank you. You don’t have to have a Kindle to get this. You can download the app on any phone or even your PC.
 I always wanted to be a mom. After my miscarriage, I thought it would never happen. God had a wonderful plan for my life. I just have to wait and put my faith in Him. Many women suffer the tremendous loss of a miscarriage. They often believe they are alone, but they are never alone. Rest assured that it is not anyone’s fault! It is simply a sad component of life. In every four pregnancies, one ends in a miscarriage. I am sharing my story to help other women who have experienced the same pain I have.
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