Penny

I look at you, and I see Penny.

I hug you and imagine it’s her.

I know this is wrong, but I miss her so much.

I know she would want me to love another dog.

I know she wants me to adopt more and love more.

It’s not fair to you to compare you to her.  

My Penny is gone and my Harper is here. 

I am sorry my dear, I love you too.

Saying goodbye is always so hard.

And Then There’s Me

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And then there’s me. 

Watching all of you. 

And I am left on the side looking on. 

With no one. 

Is the way others feel when they are left out.

We want to belong so badly and then troubled when we are not. 

Does the jealousy grow or just the feeling and fear of being forgotten?

Forgotten

Jealous of their happiness but you don’t want to be forgotten.

You watch the connections growing and you know they are not growing with you.

You pray that they would but you kid yourself.

You want it more and more but you can’t keep up.

You feel you are a failure and you just don’t know what to do.

You want to be this person but in truth you are not.

You have this picture of yourself in your head but it is not really you.

I want to be the kind of person people come to when they need help.

The person who doesn’t get mad but I see everyone leaving me behind.

I am not that person; I am jealous I get angry.

I wish I had the connections you have but I don’t.

I want to scream please, Don’t Forget Me but you do, anyway.

What the point of saying anything when I say it you push me away more.

Because I have already forgotten. 

Why do I speak?

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Why do I speak?

Why do I speak up when my words hurt others?

Is it better to be meek and quiet and stay away?

Is it better to just let things go and move on?

All I want to do right now is hide, but the pain is too much.

I hide but then in that hiding there is so much pain.

I don’t want to hide but I can’t deal. 

I can’t handle the arguments and rejection

So I pull myself away and hide though I cry. 

When I speak, I am loud and brash. 

I say what I mean.

When I speak people become upset. They lash out of they lash out on themselves

Blaming themselves instead of fixing what’s wrong. 

Then turning it on me once again and I hide.

Should I face them, what good will come of that.

Facing someone leads to more problems but the problems I have are within me and not you.

I can only take so much before I speak. I can only be so quiet before I say something. 

And it’s in that saying something that these issues come out.

Nothing is fixed, it’s only me and me alone who has the issues. 

All else falls to the side as I hide. 

Nothing is Working

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Nothing is working.

Nothing I say matters.

Nothing is working.

Nothing I say matters.

I pace back and forth outside in the cold.

Back and forth trying to calm myself. 

I know I shouldn’t have shouted but nothing is working.

My throat hurts and I sit outside thinking of what I could have done better. 

Nothing is working.

Nothing I say matters.

Nothing is working.

Nothing I say matters.

Wondering what I said wrong and why they aren’t listening.

Nothing is working, maybe it’s me.

Am I a bad mom?

Why don’t they care about each other, about their grades, about anything?

What is wrong with his generation?

Nothing is working.

Nothing I say matters.

Nothing is working.

Nothing I say matters.

It Eats Away at Your Soul

It eats away at your soul.

First you think it’s all a joke,

Then they make you wonder.

It is a joke?

The taunts eat at you, 

over and over again

Until you are a shell of what you once were. 

You question it all and run and hide away.

It eats away at your heart.

The harsh words said in jest. 

They make you wonder?

Are they real or folly?

Until you are a shell of what you once were.

To Hide Away

Photo by Dmitry Ratushny on Unsplash

I want to hide away,

Away from all of you.





You may think my pain is about you.

You may think I am thinking about you.

No one thinks about you.

No one cares where you are.

You think they should; you demand they do,

And that is why they don’t care where you are.


I want to hide away,

Away from all of you.

All to the pain,

The heartless words, only said to hurt.

No feeling inside.





I want to hide away,

Away from you.

All the pain you cause, when I have more.

My pain is not about you, though you think everything is.

Everything isn’t about you, though you want it all to be about you.

You want to hurt and tear people down.

This is why I hide away.


I want to hide away.

Away from you.

Away from all your pain.

The heart words, you only say to hurt.

No feelings inside.

The Fairy

Image for post
Photo by Marko Blažević on Unsplash

The sun hit her long chestnut brown hair highlighting the golden hues.

Her wings glistened in the sunlight as she dried herself and turned. 

She smiled looking at him, with her gaze falling to his eyes.

His sea-blue eyes that made her blush but who was he?

He was in awe of her beauty, of her wings and her eyes.

Her green eyes looking him up and down.

He knew her; he knew her gaze.

It warmed his soul as he stood there wanting to go to her.

Wanting to touch her, to talk to her, but he found he couldn’t speak.

The fairy twirled as she dried the rest of her clothes,

Whirling her wand around her emerald dress.

The man watched her with a yearning smile on his face.

He knew at this moment; the fairy was to be his.

The fairy, however, bowed and vanished before his eyes.

Lord, give me the Strength

Image for post
Photo by Aditya Romansa on Unsplash

So much time in the day.

So much to do and yet so little time.

The hours tick away, and yet so much more to do.

The guilt I feel, when in don’t spend enough time with them.

The guilt I feel, when I need to work.

The guilt I feel, when I am just too tired to move.

Lord, give me the strength to give them the mom they deserve. 

Work and life, but all I wanted was to be a mom.

Feeling lazy and wishing I had more time.

More time to spend with them, more to give them.

The life I didn’t have and the life I want for them.

So much time in the day.

So much to do and yet so little time.

The hours tick away, and yet so much more to do.

The guilt I feel, when in don’t spend enough time with them.

The guilt I feel, when I need to work.

The guilt I feel, when I am just too tired to move.

Lord, give me the strength to give them the mom they deserve. 

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Biting and Gnawing

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Why can’t you be happy?

Why do you delight in others’ misery?

You can’t be happy for your friends?

You can’t stand when they are happy?

The pain of regret will come to bite you.

You will lose out and others will move on.

The cut will deepen as the time passes.

It will gnaw away at you until there is nothing left.

Your flesh will rot away as maggots eat you alive. 

It will fester and scab over, leaving you as horrid as you are now.

Opening again at each new sting.

The sting of pain and regret will eat at you,

gnawing away the new skin and devouring you whole.

The life of one with no happiness and the life of one who is not happy for others.

Is an empty, useless, decrepit life.