What to do?

Photo by Leeloo Thefirst

What to do?
Have you ever wanted to talk to someone who you are mad at?
Have you ever waited a while and found out you are not as mad as you were before?
Then have you ever thought, maybe they should talk to me first.
Then have you ever thought, maybe I am better off without this person in my life?

What does forgiveness entail?
Do I have to tell them I forgive them?
Do I have to explain why I was upset?
Do I have to beg the person, even though I think I was the one in the right?

Why can’t I let things just be?
Why can’t I let things rest?
Why can’t this be easy?
Why can’t I be normal?

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Everyone Need That One Friend

Photo by Rod Long on Unsplash
Everyone needs that one friend.
Who will support you and lift you up.
Who will never tear you down. 

Everyone needs that one friend.
Who will always have your back.
Who will never turn on you.

Everyone needs that one friend,
Who will listen to your success.
And belittle you.

Everyone needs that one friend.
Who defends you just because.
And who will never speak ill of you.

Everyone needs that one friend. 
Are you that one friend to someone?
Do you need that one friend?

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You Make Me Feel

Photo by Miha Rekar on Unsplash
You make me feel confident.
You make me feel like I can make a difference. 
You make me feel like what I do is important. 

You make me feel valued.
Like I can accomplish my goals.
Like my goals mean something. 

You make me feel talented.
Like what I write is good.
Like my writing is a worthwhile endeavor.

You make me feel complete.
Like I have been waiting my entire life for you.
Like my life finally makes sense. 


No one has ever done this for me before.

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I am a Star

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I am a star.
You don’t always see me,
But know I am there.

I am a star.
Praying and watching over you.
I am a star.
Always here, no matter what. 

I am a star.
No matter what,
No matter when,
No matter what has happened in the past,
I am a star, and I am always here.

I am a star.
You don’t always see me,
But know I am there.
I am here always.

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Never Alone

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I used to chase you
I used to beg you
But no more

I will no longer beg and fret.
I will no longer lay awake at night and worry.
I will no longer worry, for those days are over.

I used to chase people.
I used to beg them to stay.
But no more.

I stand firm and I know I am right.
I stand firm, and i know I am good enough
I stand firm and I am not alone.
Never have I been alone!


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Intense

I might be abrasive
I might be passionate
I might love too much
I might say too much
I might ask too much
I might expect too much

Despite all of that you know I care.
Do not put me in a box
Tell me now to act
Tell me to be like you
I am not you.

So, 
I might be abrasive
I might be passionate
I might love too much
I might say too much
I might ask too much
I might expect too much


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It’s a Curse

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
It is a curse,
To never think your good enough
To question everything
To not accept the good things in life as real.  

You wait for the bottom to fall out.
You wait for everyone to leave.
You anxiously see signs everywhere,
When nothing is wrong.

You question yourself with every task.
Did I write this right?
Did I say that right?
Did they understand me?

Never going with your gut
Never accepting you are talented
Never accepting yourself. 

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Saying the Wrong Thing

I always say the wrong thing.
The words come out of my mouth, 
And I watch them go.
Wave goodbye 
And wait for the reaction.
 
The words spiral out of me,
I can’t catch them, 
But just close my eyes and wait
For the reaction.

I say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing
And then stress over it.
I back pedal but it doesn’t work
I wonder why I say anything at all.

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My Dreams

I have been writing for years. I started writing my first book in 2009 after I miscarriage my first child. It was published in 2008. It was horrible. So, I rewrote it and published it again under a new name in 2018. Then I started writing poetry and a paranormal book series. But I feel like none of what I write gets read. I learned a lot about writing and how to publish but it feels like nothing I do is right. Marketing is a struggle for me. I worked extensively with an artist for my book covers and editors to make my books perfect, but still, I can’t get them to see. At times it makes me want to stop but then inspiration hits and I want to write something new. Depression and anxiety definitely get in the way. When will I be able to say I made it? When should I stop and realize it is not worth it? When is enough, enough?

My dreams
Are they only Dreams?
Will they ever come to fruition?
Or are they only dreams?

How do you keep going?
How long do you fight?
Day after day and still no results.

My dreams?
Are they only dreams?


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Panic

Panic

Panic, heart racing
Blood rushing in my ears
Pulse echoing in my chest

Panic, heart racing
Hands shaking, 
Flush face

Panic, heart racing
Sweat on my brows
Breathing ragged

Panic, heart racing
When will it end

I bit my lip to try and control it
Breath in deeply, trying to steady myself

When will it end?
When will I be normal?
Why can’t I think and react like normal people?


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