42, it rings in my ears at each age Growing closer at each step At age 11 it was a distant number but now sitting at 41, the horror sets in. An age that was once so far away, now sits on my doorstep. Will the same fate befall me? Will my kids lose everything, all in one day? One long dreadful day, It felt like the sun would never rise, and my heart would never mend. The hole in my heart and The despair that I would never See you again. All the things you missed. All the times I needed you. All the times I tell my kids. Who you are, so they know, And love you as much as I do, But they will never truly know! Oh, this horrid age, The despair comes back and the fears. Will my kids live without me, As I lived without you. A mother’s worst fear and a daughter's reality.