I’m sorry. I couldn’t handle it. My anxiety overwhelmed me. And I walked away.
The darkness pours over my soul As endless waves rush in. The rising of the tide pulls me in further. Pulling my heart and filling it with dread. I found myself caught in the tide, while my body struggles to be free. The darkness shrouds my existence, and soon I am gasping for air. The dark waters pull me down, filling my lungs with regret and despair. I reach out trying to break the surface, but the darkness is always there. Pulling me back, pulling me down to the depths, I plummet. The pressure keeps me down, night after night, day after day, I can’t see the light; the darkness is all I know.
Am I Your Friend? Am I your friend? Do you really care about me the way I care about you? We use the term best friends, but is that just me? But is that truly what I am to you? Do I think more of you than you think of me? When my usefulness is gone, will you also leave? Why do these questions haunt me so? I worry about the future, like an endless sea of doubt. Doubting myself and others, will I ever be happy.
Lord, give me the Strength So much time in the day. So much to do and yet so little time. The hours tick away, and yet so much more to do. The guilt I feel, when in don't spend enough time with them. The guilt I feel, when I need to work. The guilt I feel, when I am just too tired to move. Lord, give me the strength to give them the mom they deserve. Work and life, but all I wanted was to be a mom. Feeling lazy and wishing I had more time. More time to spend with them, more to give them. The life I didn't have and the life I want for them. So much time in the day. So much to do and yet so little time. The hours tick away, and yet so much more to do. The guilt I feel, when in don't spend enough time with them. The guilt I feel, when I need to work. The guilt I feel, when I am just too tired to move. Lord, give me the strength to give them the mom they deserve.
And Then There's Me And then there’s me. Watching all of you. And I am left on the side looking on. With no one. Is the way others feel when they are left out. We want to belong so badly and then troubled when we are not. Does jealousy grow or just the feeling and fear of being forgotten? Forgotten Jealous of their happiness but you don't want to be forgotten. You watch the connections growing and you know they are not growing with you. You pray that they would, but you kid yourself You want it more and more, but you can't keep up. You feel you are a failure, and you just don't know what to do. You want to be this person but in truth you are not. You have this picture of yourself in your head, but it is not really you. I want to be the kind of person people come to when they need help. The person who doesn’t get mad, but I see everyone leaving me behind. I am not that person; I am jealous I get angry. I wish I had the connections you have but I don't. I want to scream please, Don't Forget Me but you do, anyway. What the point of saying anything when I say it you push me away more. Because I have already forgotten.
This is a new writer that I am trying to help. If you want to read more check out her page on Wattpad. She is posting there to get feedback and comments. Thank you.
My name is Silvanna Snow and I am a writer who is trying a new genre. I made this profile so my erotic fiction will be separated from my other writing. I would appreciate any feedback. The stories on this profile are first drafts. I hope to have them edited one day and published, but that remains to be seen. Here is a little of my first book. It is a first draft, and has not been edited yet. The cover for the book will be changing too, as I am hoping to hire and artist to make one for me.
If you want to read more check out her page on Wattpad. She is posting there to get feedback and comments. Thank you.
Chapter 5 Millie
Vorad stood up and removed his loincloth revealing the cock that has been on Millie’s mind since the moment he walked in the room. She was still kneeling on the bed not wanting to stare at his cock but she couldn’t take her eyes off of it. It was even bigger than she imagined but it didn’t fight her as it did before. She wanted everything they had to offer her. She looked up with her mouth open making a perfect circle. Her checks her red and seeing his cock dripping this precum and feeling her sex leaking from her own organism she laughed, “Now I know why there are two bedrooms.” She placed her hands on his waist, tearing her eyes from his cock to his face. “Now can it be my turn to please you,” she said looking up at him. “I don’t bite,” she said, trying to make him laugh.
“That’s a shame, because I do,” he said as he turned and laid on the bed so that his entire body was laying across the bed. He would mount her later, right now he wanted to see just what she had planned for him.
Millie straddled him at first, moving her hand along his chest but then she slid down as she was sitting on his legs. She needed to taste him just as badly as he tasted her. She was sure to be gentle as she wasn’t sure how sensitive their cocks were. His cock was steadily releasing precum and it now ran down the side of his shaft and down the mass of hair at this base. She thought he would be covered in hair but his chest was bare. It wasn’t until he removed his loin cloth that she saw where all his hair was. She rubbed his cock starting at the tip and sliding her hand up and down using the precum to lubricate so she did not cause him any friction or pain. She rocked on his legs imagining this cock inside of her. She couldn’t even fit her entire hand around his manhood.
Vorad shifted his hips thrusting himself forward in sync with her hands. He moaned, spraying cum as she stroked him. It shot up onto his chest which made Millie more and more wet. She leaned down and licked the tip of his dick, taking all his juices in her mouth. Sucking on his tip she swallowed the constant flow that came from him. Vorad growled as he so desperately wanted to come. He wanted to fill her with his seed and if she kept this up, he would spray her face. “I need to be inside of you. Oh god Millie!” He growled and with a little force he lifted her off of him and placed her on the bed. Then he crawled to her as she spread her legs for him. She wasn’t afraid of the pain any longer. She was wet enough and pulsing for him as she watched his cock twitching and growing more and more.
He mounted her and using his fingers moved them in and out of her sex adding more fingers each time to help adjust her to his size. A blinding feeling of pleasure wrapped around her as he moved faster and faster, “Now don’t cum on my fingers my dear. I want to feel you on my cock.”
“Oh god,” then she yelled something in audible as her hands reached for anything to hold on to. Grasping at the blankets on the bed and holding them tight she let out another scream as she tried to steady herself and hold her own arousal for him.
Vorad took his fingers out and licked them each, “Your taste and you smell my mate.” Each time he said mate he almost lost control of his senses. Her smell, her taste drove him to the point of explosion but he needed to come inside of her. He moved the tip of his cock over her clit and then steady it at her opening. “I will go slow, I promise,” but he wasn’t sure if he could control the need to thrust into her.
He moved his tip in and out of her and each time going a little further and each time she cried out. Millie wanted him more than anything but also knew the pain she would feel. As his cock slid in deeper and deeper there was a burning pain at her core she tried to spread her legs more but she couldn’t and he was right there sliding in further and further. Tears ran down her face from the pure exactly of it all and the burying pain at her opening. She never thought he would fit into her, but here he was sliding in and out of her. Vorad finally gave one final thrust and he was in, all the way inside of her. He roared feeling his own arousal and his own release coming. He moved faster and faster, pumping her and thrusting into her over and over again.
Millie never felt so full, so couldn’t possibly take anymore than what he had. He was so warm.
Millie let out a scream but it was silenced by his own roaring. Holding the blankets she screamed again and again. Pain and lust and pleasure all at once as she release cuming on his cock, but nothing could prepare her for his release. The faster he moved the closer it came and then he roared so loudly the house shook and Millie felt the first jet of his cum. She knew the cum was coming as she could feel this warmth rising up his shaft before he exploded into her. It was warmer than she thought it would be. She felt his cock twitching as he came. Over and over again he released jets of hot cum into her. Millie felt it coming out of her and down her legs. Vorad still thrust more and more, filling her with each thrust. Millie could not believe how much cum he had but he kept cumming as he came so did she.
Vorad thrust one final time as the last spray hit her walls and splashed out of her as he thrusted and onto her belly. He let out one last moan and then laid on her. She let go of the blankets and wrapped her arms around him. He was large so it was uncomfortable for him to play on her, and he knew this. He slid his cock out of her and moved to her side.
There was an emptiness now when he had been so full before. She missed him being inside of her, he missed the warmth and this connection. She put her head on his chest and moved so she could rest next to him. She didn’t care how messy they were, she just wanted to stay close to him and smell him, feel his warmth, and be his.
“I love you,” Millie said, feeling achy and tired as she listened to his heart beating.
Vorad smiles, “Millie, I don’t know what I did to deserve someone like you. I knew you were my mate from the moment I smelled you but love, I never. I can’t explain. I love you more than I have ever loved anything before.” she turned to her. “I know you have a deal to keep with everyone and I know you are not done with your time here, but I love you. I want you to be with me. I know it is an impossible task but I will come for you. I will be yours and you’ll be mine.”
Millie looked up at the ceiling, “You would think if someone found their mate then they wouldn’t have to keep mating with others.” She wondered if she could give herself to anyone the way she gave herself to him just now.
“I hope so, because I would want you to be with me and raise our cubs. I wanted you to be with me each and every day,” he knew this was impossible. You are married that would cause more issues for all the clans and the village. “How often can I come to you?” he asked. I want you and only you.
Millie for some reason understood what he meant. “How, did I just hear you in my head?”
“That is the true test, my love. When you find your mate and you mate with them, your thoughts are theirs and their heart is yours. You can hear all my thoughts from now until the day I die.”
Millie felt warmth as if the world was filling her with love. She didn’t want to move, she just wanted to lay there with him and sleep. I love you. I would happily run away with you.
But they both knew they couldn’t do that. No one would understand their love. The town would see it as a sign of war and aggression and the other clans that made this deal would believe he was stealing the females from them.
I know we can’t do that right now. But one day, I want to be with you and only you. Millie tried to sit up but she couldn’t. Before she felt exactly but now that her high was coming down she could feel the pain and the burn from her stretched sex.
Vorad sat up and looked at the room and laughed, “you know I made most of this mess but you sure came a lot too.” The bed was covered and soaking wet, there were puddles of cum on the floor and both Vorad and Millie were covered from their torso down. “Now you know why we added the shower room and the other bedroom,” he said, seeing as she could not get up on her own he left her and carried her to the shower room.
Millie kissed his neck and held him close but she was sure if she could take him again so soon.
Throw My Feeling in the Trash! Do my feelings not matter to you? Do you think you can do what you want? Screw me, because I don’t matter! Throw my feelings in the trash and stomp all over them! Did you even think to talk to me? Did you think I wouldn’t care? Did you even think of me? I know you didn’t think of me! I know no one does! It’s better to not expect anything from anyone! They always disappoint! I expect too much from people and I am the one who gets hurt. Did you even think to talk to me? Did you think I wouldn’t care? Did you even think of me? Throw my feelings in the trash and stomp all over them!
I am Nothing I am nothing. That's how you see me. My words mean nothing. My heart means nothing. You do what you want, With little care for me. Until you need something and Then I am nothing once more.
If You Were Here... I just need to talk to someone. There is no place safe to talk. Who won’t judge and won’t be hurt by what I say. I know if you were here, I could talk to you. I know I would be talking to you now, And so many other times before. If you were here. I need someone to talk to, A safe place where there is no blame. A place where I can be honest and A place where you won’t be hurt. A place where I can say whatever I need, And you will just listen And no one will be hurt. I need you, your voice, and your wisdom. If you were here.
Am I your friend? Do you really care about me the way I care about you? We use the term best friends, but is that just me? But is that truly what I am to you? Do I think more of you than you think of me? When my usefulness is gone, will you also leave? Why do these questions haunt me so? I worry about the future, like an endless sea of doubt. Doubting myself and others, will I ever be happy.