Be Yourself

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When we are in high school, we are so focused on who we are and who are our friends we missed out on some great friends.  If I could go back, I would be less concerned with whom I hung out with and just had fun.  In college it was different, for me anyway, it seemed like it didn’t matter anymore.  Because of this I made some amazing friends. So if anyone is in this situation, just remember it is okay to be yourself and be friends with whoever you want to be.  Maybe the person you least expect will be your best friend.


Van’s Ear and Medical Advice 😕

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I just want to add a disclaimer. I am not 100 percent for one or the other. I use essential oils, I try to eat healthy; but I also take medicine. I think it’s important to research everything yourself. No one person can tell you what to do. There are many people out there pushing one way or the other and I strongly disagree with pushing someone into something and shaming them into something.

My son Van had many ear infections when he was a baby. Due to this he had a lot of fluid in his middle ear that was interfering with his ability to hear. This also lead to a delay in his speech and his overall learning. He had surgery to put tubes in his ear, so the fluid could come out the tubes and Van could hear.

Van’s ears

I am not a medicine for everything type of person but I am also not the holistic girl either. I believe in a balance. I know some won’t agree but what you do with your body and your family is your business. So I take my kids to a chiropractor and I go as well. Don’t really know if it helps with anything else then my back feeling good. My chiropractor tells not give my kids vaccinations and to cancel Van’s surgery for his ears. He says that if Van gets adjusted three times a week, he won’t have any fluid in his ears. Well great! Let me just tell my son that you may not may not hear for however long it takes for the Chiropractor to clear your ears. Furthermore, let me get my advice from someone who calls himself a doctor but never went to medical school.

Oh and somehow get you to the chiropractor three times a week! That’s a laugh! And when they say that Zelda has autism because of her vaccinations I cringe. They don’t know what causes autism! But hey there are five kids in Devin’s family who are on the spectrum! Yet people still say its vaccinations! I am not saying I have the answers but let’s play would you, rather. Would I rather have Zelda the way she is or Zelda who has or has had mumps, rubella, or many of the other things we vaccinate for. So let me take medical advice from the doctor who never went to medical school. Furthermore, what kind of person tells a mother with an autistic child that you gave her autism.

I feel sometimes you need to take medicine and sometimes you don’t. I am tired of the pressure of this chiropractor’s office. It is as if he is trying to make me feel bad for choosing medicine.

These blogs are rather old, but I have updated them. Vance had his surgery. He couldn’t hear anything beforehand and not he hears wonderfully. He doesn’t like loud noises but I think that’s natural from someone couldn’t really hear for a long time.
Yes, Zelda has Autism. When she was four years old, she hardly spoke and now her biggest issue in school is talking too much. Though I will save how wonderful she is for another post.

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Each spring day I think of you

I wonder where life would have taken us.

I wonder if we would have fought through my teen years.

Is this image of you that rolls around in my head true?

Or just the memory of a girl who lost her mom.

Would you be here for my kids?

Do you watch us from above?

Are you proud or me or did I let you down?

Each day that goes by, I remember you less.

Only through photos are my memories clear

Each day that does by, your voice fades more.

I wonder where life would have taken us

How different would life be if you were still here?

Is the dream in my head true of just

Or just the wish of a girl who lost her mom.

I give up on Sleep

I give up on sleep!



A note to all new mommies out there. This phase will not last long. Treasure it while you can. Treasure those times cuddling while your baby eats. Treasure this special time with them, for soon they will sleep all night and so will you; but you will miss your cuddling time.

I give up on sleep.  I have tried and failed.  My son Van is up every two hours to eat.  He sleeps a lot during the day, which is frustrating because his sister is up all day.  This makes for one tired mommy. I was breastfeeding until a few days ago. During this time, I walked through life like a zombie.  In dire need of caffeine, I switched to baby formula instead of breastfeeding. I would have switched to formula soon anyway, because I won’t be able to breastfeed while at work, but this is a little earlier than I planned on.  I feel bad, because I know that breast milk is the best for the baby, but I was exhausted.

I know people who have gone back to work right after having a baby and I can’t figure out how they do it. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. The long nights for breastfeeding took a toll on me.  My husband told me that most people do not have C-section and I should not compare myself to others.   He said, “They inflicted a mortal wound on you, and then they stitched you up and gave you a baby to take care of.  So you are healing and breastfeeding.”

My husband can help me feed Van a little but, it is still me feeding him most of the time. I don’t mind. It is my time with him and I treasure that.  Having my husband just take one feeding is letting me sleep a good 4 hours which was better than what I was getting before.

At least I can have coffee now!  My daughter has also been mommy needy.  I felt bad because I couldn’t give her all the attention she needed.  I know that she has to get used to it, but today I was feeding Van and Zelda was screaming.  She was just screaming for attention, but it made mommy very sad.

How am I going to do this when I go back to work?  I don’t have the option to stay home.  I know there is a great debate between mothers who stay home and mothers who work.  Some of my friends are stay at home moms and have told me to just cut back on what we spend and I could stay home too.  Well, I’m sure if they looked at my finances they would see that was impossible. I carry the family health insurance, and we need the money.  I have decided not to go back to my part-time job. I haven’t told them yet. By not working there, it will give me some extra time with the kids.

Okay well it is five in the morning and the baby is up.  Time for mommy to make coffee.


Remember, this time does not last long. You might feel like your entire life will be nothing more diapers and bottles; but it won’t be. Treasure this time. 

If All You Had to Offer Was Friendship



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I heard this amazing speaker, and he said, “If all you have to offer is friendship, who would still be your friend.” I thought about this and I realized how true this statement was. When I was little, my mother told me if you could count on your hand 5 good friends you are a wealthy person.


So then I ask you, what does it mean to be a friend?  When everything you have to offer them is gone, who would still be your friend.


I realized this over this past week. You see my friends and I ran a role play group on Facebook. For those of you who don’t know, a role play group is when you write as a particular character. You create plots with your friends and think as your character would think. I loved it. It helped me become a better writer and helped me work out different ideas for stories. However, it’s hard to keep a fake life up when your real life is too busy. So after 3 years, we have closed the doors to this group. Being an admin, writing plots for people, and regulating the group was becoming a burden when it used to be for fun.  


Each one of us was afraid to speak about it. We thought we would let the other admins down if we confess this. I spoke up. Having a full-time job, 3 kids, a fiancee was all too much. My kids are in sports, scouts and still need help with their homework.   Others on the admin team, were busy with school and work and were thinking of leaving. So as a team, we all decided it was time to move on.
Now I ask you, those who were in this group, and many people have been over the past 3 years. Do you still consider me a friend when I do not have a group to offer you?  When friendship is all I have to offer, are you still my friend?  


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This is me about 7 years ago. I had just started to write again. Looking back now I see the great journey I started here. No I am not published yet but I have two books finished and one I am about to finish. I never thought I would come this far when I started writing again 7 years ago.

Where do I begin?  That is the big question.  I have been sitting at my computer for a while now, trying to figure this out.  There are so many things I can say and want to say. I am just so excited to be writing again.  I guess I will start at the beginning. I want to become a better writer and writing a blog can help me get there.

The more you write the better you get, and the more you let others read your work the more feedback you receive.  I have to learn to take criticism, and then take what I have learned from it, and improve my writing. I wrote a book last year about my miscarriage and the birth of my daughter.  My husband just read the book and had criticisms. After swallowing my pride, and realizing that he is right, I edited my book. I hope to have another version or edition to upload sometime this year.

I love writing!  As I write more, I learn new things and better ways to say what I am thinking.

I was reading a blog that one of my friends wrote and I said to myself that I could do that. I followed her format and used the same website she used.

I have also read more.  By reading some of the world’s best authors, I can become better. I started with one of the best and one of my favorites, Tolkien.  It had been a long time since I read The Hobbit, but still a wonderful story.  I have been looking through my bookshelf pulling out books I want to read.  I hope I can find time for them all.

Now the only thing left to do is to keep myself accountable.  I need to write and read daily. I am not saying I will post something every day but I should work on it every day.  If you follow this blog, please keep me accountable. If you don’t see a post at least each week, please yell at me.  I have these great ideas, but sometimes I lack on the follow through. Till next time when I will post something more interesting.  I promise.


Update:  I have been writing everyday for the past 7 years. Still not published but I hope you enjoy the stories that I have made and the posts.  If you are interested in reading more, please check out my wattpad account.