Birth After Miscarriage: A Spiritual Journey Chapter 2 My Baby

pregnanI had given up. What was the point of testing if it was always negative? About the time of my fifth anniversary, I was on my way home from work and I had noticed that had still not gotten my period. I had been carrying supplies with me all week, but I have not used any of them. I thought was strange, and that I should have started my period already. Driving home, I counted the days since my last period and trying to figure how many days had passed since my period should have started. At that point, I had no expectations about being pregnant. I didn’t even do the normal testing I had been doing.
I went home and checked my cabinet for a pregnancy test. , I had one. I didn’t think I was pregnant. Each test the previous months was negative, so I did not want to get my hopes up. I took the test and waited. Wait three minutes to get the result, so I left the test in the bathroom and went into my room. I would watch the test. But this time I didn’t have hope for it to be positive so I went about doing other things and then came back to it.
It was positive. I could have jumped out of my skin. I could not believe it. Then I called my husband, but he was driving home so I had to wait.
I made a list of things I should eat and things I shouldn’t eat. I cut out certain things from my diet, such as caffeine, soda, and chocolate. It was difficult to give up chocolate and coffee. I tried to eat healthier. I even drank tomato juice though I hate it. I ate many fruits and vegetables and drank plenty of water. I could not wait to make my first doctor’s appointment. I guess I needed the doctor to confirm that I was pregnant because I kept telling myself that it could not be real. I had wanted it for so long I thought it could be a mistake.
Devin told me, “Sometimes women want to be pregnant so that they exhibit pregnancy symptoms.”
I think Devin was skeptical about the test. Even when I was pregnant with Zelda I heard his step-mom ask him, “Well is she or isn’t she?”
“Well that depends on if you believe these test things.” He said.
He didn’t believe it either since he had been waiting right along with me.
The nurse told me, “You cannot have a false positive. The test detects signs of the pregnancy hormone. If you have it, then you are pregnant.”
I can’t complain all that much about the symptoms of pregnancy. Some people get so sick they throw up all the time.
I threw up a few times, but I was tired. I was so exhausted! I would come home from work and go right to sleep. I would sleep from 7:30 at night until the next morning and I was still tired. One day I came home, went to bed at 5 and sleep all night. It was crazy! I was not as sick or as tired with my second pregnancy.
My husband said, “You were sick because the pregnancy was not going well. This time things are looking good so you are feeling better.”
I told everyone I was pregnant; I couldn’t hold it in. We took the test on Friday. I went to work on Saturday, my boss asked me, “Are you pregnant?” She whispered this but everyone still heard it.
“How can you tell? I took the test last night?” I was shocked. Was I showing already? It was a weird question to ask someone. I took a while to answer. I didn’t know what to say. I was not ready to tell her, but I did not want to lie.
“Your stomach is flatter than that.” I still can’t believe she said.
We went to Devin’s parents’ house Sunday night and told them; and I called my parents and told them.
“That’s wonderful! When do you think your due date is?” My mom was excited.
“I think like May 20th or something like that.”
“Oh wonderful! Now just remember that lots of people have miscarriages. If it happens to you, don’t blame yourself.”
“OK.” I didn’t think anything would happen. I heard what she said, but I was too happy to think anything would happen. I wasn’t about to think about a miscarriage or anything that could hurt my baby. Everything was, as my mom said, ‘wonderful’.



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